When It’s Hard to Say Goodbye to A Season
No one really talks about what happens when you begin to realize your kids don’t need you as much as they used to.
Or when your days once filled with all the mundane motherly duties come to a screeching halt.
No more diapers.
No more bottles.
No more wet-beds.
No more lunches to be made.
No more activities to take the kids to.
No more frustrating interruptions.
No more bickering and fighting to referee.
Just a lot of quiet.
Free time.
Loneliness.
I can spiritualize it and pretend, telling myself, “it is what it is.”
I can busy myself and vacuum for the twelfth time.
I can ignore and distract myself away from the discomfort I’m in.
But what happens when I just sit and allow myself to think about how I’m feeling?
What happens when I allow the sadness to take over and give myself time to grieve?
What happens if the grief overwhelms me and I can’t get over it?
Get over it.
How many times have I told myself that?
But then…
What happens if I reveal these feelings to others and they try to change the subject or they say some kind of spiritualized jargon trying to make me feel better or they try to fix it with suggestions of all the things I can do with my free time?
I had a melt down yesterday.
All the kids were back in school and I was overwhelmed by my sad feelings.
I cried. I sniffed.
I felt so alone.
But then, after I allowed myself to sit in these hard feelings, I realized:
My kids still need me, it just looks different than when they were little.
Just “getting over it” can leave you in places of pain and regret.
Some seasons are harder to let go of.
Some endings bring grief while others bring joy.
Joy can be found in grief.
I then came up with some questions I will be asking myself over the next few weeks.
What brings you joy?
Where can you find beauty right now?
What are new rhythms you can incorporate into your day to day life?
How can you bring joy to someone else’s day today?
What is a new dream you can begin to foster?
If you are finding yourself grieving the end of a season as well, I hope these questions are helpful for you to think through.
As this season comes to a close, may we allow the sweet memories to wash over us.
May we sit in each joy, laughter, pain, and sorrow, remembering how each moment has deeply shaped who we are today.
When the tears have met their fill, may we have the strength to lean into the season anticipating our arrival.