When Empty Outstretched Hands Meet Silence

"Oh my strength, I will sing praises to you, for you, O God, are my fortress, the God who shows me steadfast love."

Psalm 59:17

It's hard to believe 2021 would be more difficult and bring with it more challenges than 2020, but for me, this has been the case.

It's been a year of difficult losses for me and at times, I've felt as though I've been holding on for dear life, continuing to question God, ask him why, and feeling as though the darkness will completely envelop me as I'm grasping for God's hand.

And now, as I wrestle with the questions:

"Why Church?"

"What is Church supposed to be?"

and

"How do we do 'church' today in a way that makes sense?"

I am left with empty hands and what feels like silence.

In spite of the ceaseless storms, the Psalms have been my constant source of comfort and companionship.

Some of us have experienced more pain and shed more tears than any other year.

Some of us are singing praises.

Some of us are laying in the fetal position.

Some of us are feeling deeply connected to God.

Some of us are barely able to groan out our prayers.

Some of us are singing hallelujahs.

Wherever you are, my friend, I pray that God's steadfast love becomes real to you.

Wherever you are, my friend, I ask that God hold you in his loving arms and that he be merciful to you.

Wherever you are, my sister, know that our God is a fortress.

A God who is steadfast.

And even if you feel as though you are grasping in the dark for God's hand, may you feel his steadfast presence holding you near to his chest, cradling you through whatever it is you are walking through.