Have you ever thought you wanted something but didn't put the time, effort, or money into it to make it happen?
I want to have a beautiful garden where I have a more than plentiful harvest, and the harvest is bountiful.
The only problem is that it takes a lot of work, research, time, and effort to make a garden grow...all of which I don't do. I don't put the work into it, so my yield is minuscule, some (ok, maybe most) of the garden is dying, and I kind of feel like giving up.
If I take the time to think about the other things in my life that I want, I realize that if it's something I really want, I work hard at it:
I want a good marriage, so my husband and I make sure we have a weekly date night and spend time together.
I want to have a good relationship with my children, so I spend time with them, getting to know them.
I want to graduate seminary, so I've taken the time to study, go to classes, make the finances work, and sacrifice time with my family to make that happen.
Maybe the issue with my garden is more that I think I want a garden, but the truth is, deep down inside of me, I don't, because, logically, if I really wanted it, I would put the work into it that I would need to put into it.
So, rather than getting frustrated, if I really wanted to know why my tomato plants keep whithering, I would do some research and experimenting.
I would spend more time with the vegetable plants that are growing, rather than just the twenty minutes each day I have been spending watering them.
I would move the planters that are not doing well and see if they do better in a different location.
If I genuinely wanted my garden to thrive, I would do the work and figure out why it is not thriving.
Do you struggle with something like this as well?
What is something you want but aren't able to muster up the energy or time to actually do it?
Do you need to do a little reassessing of your own deep desires?
The issue with my garden is that I want the end result badly, but my actions show that I do not want to put in the work to make it happen. Maybe the truth that I need to face is that I don't really want the end results that badly.
So, what can I do?
I can continue to get frustrated with my sorry excuse for a garden, or I can pawn off the caretaking to my children (who care less about the garden than me), or I can admit to myself that it's not really something I want to put the time into, however, I'm still going to plant and water, and maybe I'll get a few tomatoes and one melon.
I may never have the beautiful garden I think I desire. Still, I will sit back and relax, acknowledge that maybe I don't really want what I think I want and enjoy the garden growth that does happen.
I may not be the best of gardeners, but that's ok because when I find that something is growing, that feeling of excitement that something went right never gets old.