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These Days That Are Here

Gone are the days of tiny chubby arms reaching out for hugs of comfort, giggly night tickles, and slobbery kisses.

Gone are the days of sore, chapped nipples, endless diapers, and being needed almost every waking hour.

Gone are the days of experiencing renewed wonderment through excited wide eyes at the grandiosity of a tree, a leftover robin egg, and a freshly picked dandelion.

Gone are the days I spent my early life preparing for and now here I am in a space I once feared.

And yet I am here.

I am here, now with smaller arms than they, intuiting the moments when hugs of comfort are needed and soft, reassuring touches are welcome.

I am here in all their various school-goings and activities, finding myself with more time than I know what to do with, alone and in relative quiet.

I am now here, to encourage them as they learn to fly, to help them when they fall, and to provide a safe space for them, where they know they are loved. 

I am now here, where I am learning to listen when they want to share, learning to apologize when needed, and discovering what it means to mother teenagers who are all so different.

I am now here, where some days are more difficult than others and other days are marked with gratitude, beauty, joy, and laughter. 

I now no longer fear these days that are here.

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