A Holy Saturday Moment
It's Easter week, yet somehow it just doesn't feel the same. We're on week four of social distancing and the lack of connection with others is taking its toll on me. It's been raining the last few days, which has seemed to exacerbate the feelings of depression and fueled my lack of desire to do anything.
The internal discourse within myself goes from "I miss my friends" to "I'm thankful we are all still healthy" to "I need to get out" to "I can really take this time to pour into my school work" to pouring myself another glass of wine as I choose to procrastinate again. I feel like my new normal is fluctuating between complaining, being thankful, and feeling like I should be thankful as I take another sip of my wine.
As Easter approaches, it's becoming more and more clear that maybe God is allowing me to experience a Holy Saturday moment.
Holy Saturday falls between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. Three years of walking, talking, listening, learning, and communing with the one they believed was the promised Messiah was gone. It is the day when everything sunk if for Christ's disciples. Jesus, the man they thought would save their nation was dead. He could not be the Messiah, for the Messiah was not supposed to die.
They did not know about Easter Sunday. All they knew was that their friend, brother, and leader was gone. Forever.
What we forget is that even if Jesus prophesied what was to come, the disciples saw him beaten, crucified, and die. What they saw was all they had to go on. They did not know Easter Sunday was coming. Have we been so quick to dismiss the disciples' grieving as a lack of faith that we refuse to see the significance of Holy Saturday within the church calendar and how that shapes our own lives?
Holy Saturday was the in-between day. It was the day after the creator of the world was crucified and the day before the King of kings defeated death. It was the day God Almighty was dead. May we grasp that concept and allow ourselves to settle in and realize the significance of that day. Holy Saturday was the day God Almighty was dead.
Yes, this will be a different Easter for most of us, but may these fluctuating feelings, lack of desires, feelings of shoulds, disappointments, unmet expectations, depression, job loss, life loss, and uncertainty remind us of that Holy Saturday 2000 years ago. Even though we know that Sunday's coming, let us not forget the significance of Holy Saturday.
It's ok to doubt. It's ok to not feel as though you have enough faith right now. Give yourself permission. Maybe this time is your Holy Saturday moment.